I don’t remember your name,

I don’t remember your words,
which was the thread leading us.
I retrace moments counting the scars,
trying to take away the haze
of pictures wanted too opaque.
We have never ever been ours,
you haven’t even belonged to yourself
enjoying yourself in getting lost
giving yourself away to appearances, to fads,
to screams and to the weight of words.
I presumed to attempt,
to try to taste what was the whole of all this
and my hands held other smoke.
But This was everything.
Way too much or not even enough,
I turned around,
your hand falling from the shoulder
the gasp less heavy.